Friday, July 9, 2010

Rules Beyond Attraction

'Were You Raised by Wolves?: And Seven Other Crucial Questions to Ask the One You Just Might Marry'
By Toben Heim

Format: Paperback
Published: Kregel; Apr. 2010
Pages: 128

Synopsis: Honest questions to help dating couples start and stay talking. Find out what your significant other believes about family, friends, faith, communication styles, money and more, and you'll find out if the relationship can stand the test of time.

My Take: I fear that by even suggesting that I read this book my mother will instantly get on the phone and go, "did you need to tell me something?!" Here's the thing, my boyfriend and I have been happily dating for three years now. We just hit that landmark and well, it's no surprise that as time marches on people continually ask us, so when are you two going to get married in varying degrees of probing ways. I still wish I had a witty response for, 'when it's time!'. At any rate, when I saw this book on the LibraryThing Early Reviewers shelf I thought, well maybe it will teach me something and we'll have some deep discussions.

When this book showed up it was nothing more than what I might call a brochure. I mean it's tiny, which is probably good because if the man is reading this he might quickly lose interest, but let's be honest, the woman in any relationship is going to read this and tell the man what they do or don't need to work on as a couple.

At any rate, it was easily broken down chapters that at the end had 'Discussion Questions' and 'Red Flags'. The chapters covered things like how to have an argument, what to look for in each others families, how to have conversations about money and finance and so on. Believe me, all good things to know and discuss with the person you want to live with for the rest of your life. The chapters started with quotes from real life couples and I think the one that resonated the most was me was that it's one thing to argue when you are dating but when you are married, it's for life so get these issues dealt with ahead of time if you can. Or at least know where you stand on these issues.

Ultimately though I think these would be good for couples if they were in the earlier dating stage, say one year, or were maybe rushing things but, well, I didn't find a whole lot of revelations here. In some ways it was good because I could breathe a sigh of relief. However, I was hoping for a hip, kitschy book on relationships based on the cover and title and was instead given a book fed with a heavy dose of religion.  The author went so far as to say that a marriage with a 'non-believer was doomed to failure'. Yikes! Well, that's just not going to work for all of the different couples in the world out there.

Like I said, I think this would be a good book for couples who were maybe a year into a relationship and headed towards marriage or maybe weren't that good at having major discussions but for me, I was looking for something more.

(This book was sent to me for review from LibraryThing. Thank you for this opportunity)

(I got this book from LibraryThing EarlyReviewers)


  1. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 years. And I think it was only about 5 years ago that people stopped asking us when we were going to get married. The kid question STILL comes up on occasion.

  2. Thanks for your honest review! Sounds disappointing, especially with such a catchy title. Most of the advice mentioned can be found in magazine articles or other books, and what a shame that it had a religious bent. Again, that title really doesn't seem to represent what the book is really about. Too bad.

  3. It seems like if you need that book, you might want to find someone else to date to me! Great review.


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